A Magical Life

“There was a dream and one day I could see it. Like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it.” ~ The Avett Brothers

The other day my friend shared some wisdom she had received from a friend. Often in life you are confronted with two seemingly equal paths to choose from. You could take either path and be happy and make a living. However, there is always one path that will have more heart.

Yes, the path with more heart is what I’m striving for right now. First, you have to still the mind so you can hear what your heart has to say. Are the things you long for only dreams because of someone else’s impressions or someone else’s path? It takes a whole lotta stillness and silence to figure out what is unique to YOU. And by stillness I mean sitting with your own thoughts – no music, no tv, no entertainment of any kind that will put other thoughts into YOUR head. When it’s JUST you, what comes up?

There have been many times on the path of becoming an artist that I’ve thought “this is what I need to do to help me make a living as an artist”. And I’ve felt that because that’s what I see other artists who “have made it” doing. But when I sit in the quiet and really think about what those things take from start to finish and ask myself “is that how I want to spend my time?”. “Does that align with how my family and I like to spend our time?” Who wants to spend their life doing what they “need” when they could act from a place of want?

We have a great power available to be harnessed – our perception and intention. Whatever stories we tell ourselves… those things WILL come true. The key is to choose very positive, powerful, intentional stories. SPECIFIC dreams. So I’ve been journaling a lot lately around what my dream life would look like. Specifically, in my dream life, what would I do all day long? How do I make those dreams come true? Even if they seem pretty far out of reach… what baby steps can I take towards living that life? I’ve realized (or really my sister has said it a million times) – this dream life isn’t just going to come knock on my door and say, “Hi Carly, Would you like to have me?”. It’s going to take action by ME. I have to determine what I WANT to be. And then go be it.

The path with more heart is exhilarating and terrifying, all at the same time. I’m over living my life merely by choosing the path of least resistance… choosing the easy path. Damn it, life can be beautiful and magical and I deserve a f*cking magical life. And you do, too.

What would your dream life look like?

The Leap

I had this dream a few weeks ago, whose story and lessons have been forever etched into my mind, spurring me to great action.

In the dream, I stole some shoes for me & my sister. When I got them home, I realized they didn’t quite fit – they weren’t the right style for me. So I took them back to the shoe store and tried to exchange them and got caught by the clerks. They knew I hadn’t paid for the shoes. When they confronted me, I dropped the shoes and made for the door. Once outside, I ran for my car and jumped in, speeding away from the embarrassment and certain consequences. As I drove away, this beautiful Indian girl appeared in my passenger seat. We raced through town, dodging bullets from dozens of enormous military men that popped up, like villains in a video game, on the sides of the road. Finally, we arrived at this house. I knew our (especially her) safety depended on us reaching the third floor.

The strange thing is, I’ve been in this house before. Not in real life – it doesn’t resemble anything I’ve ever seen. But I know I’ve been in this exact house before in my dreams. We make our way through the bustling familiarity of the first level, weaving our way through tables of people we know. We race through secret passageways and up winding staircases, searching for a way to out-run our pursuers, eventually making our way up to the third floor. We find a bedroom and the Indian girl flings open the closet, producing a beautiful, red ceremonial wedding dress. She puts on the dress and says she’s ready. She runs and jumps out of the window, landing safely on her feet at the side of her prince. In a few seconds, they are married, and all worry and stress regarding her safety is gone. Everyone stops chasing us and her freedom has been secured.

Here is my interpretation. This is a metaphor for the search of my authentic, creative self and the path required for me to make a living as an artist. The stealing of shoes? That’s me trying on other people’s artistic techniques and methods (which is necessary in the beginning)… but they never feel quite “right”. As I run from the store, I start to test out my own artistic methods and theories (the Indian girl representing my creativity). When forging this new path, fledgling creativity must be protected from all of the (sometimes) well-meaning bullets people will inevitably shoot my way. And not just the bullets from external sources, sometimes from my own doubts and insecurities about the value of what I bring.

The search through the house represents searching my soul for the authentic pieces of my creativity I want to share. The leap. Oh, the leap from the window. That leap means a lot. Leaping out of the house of my comfort zone. The leap represents taking these carefully protected ideas and dreams that I’ve nourished and flinging them out into the world for others to either love or hate. In order for me to get from where I am to where I want to be, it will take a big leap, which scares the shit out of me. The prince signifies safety, money, and security… the (if I’m being realistic) important and necessary things that I want art to help me achieve so that I can do this for a living.

The main thing I took away from this dream is that in order for me to get from where I am now, to where I want to be, the leap is my next move.

And it’s a coming.

As I wrote my morning pages this morning, an idea started to form. Of what my next creative offering will be. And it feels right. It may not make me a lot of money right away, it may not last forever… who knows? But I do know it is the next right move (leap) to get me on my way to my prince.

Stay tuned….

A Waking Dream

I had a dream it all never happened.

It was a waking dream.

So real.

The grief, anger, hurt – all never existed.

The scars, gone.

No pain.  So free in this body of mine.

I woke up, and my dream had become reality.

**This is an art journal page from last year… it relates very closely to this story.  I used to think this page meant love from/for someone else would heal me.  Now, I realize it’s self-love that heals.**

A Mixed Media Canvas: Dream

“I feel God in the slightest wind * At the rate I manifest every dream deepens * and I know I never want to stay the same.”  ~ Nahko and Medicine for the People (Nyepi)

I just finished this canvas for my friend, Ami.  We are both completely obsessed with the band Nahko and Medicine for the People.  This piece was heavily inspired by the song Nyepi.  Do yourself a favor and watch – I’ll wait:

Sigh… Amazing, right?

The canvas is a 16x20x2 made from a recycled canvas.  I had a canvas with a bunch of zentangle in Sharpie paint marker and spray ink that I didn’t really want to use anymore.  So I sprayed a bunch of water on top, let it soak into the ink, and mopped it up with paper towels.  After several passes, it was clean enough to layer some gesso.

After that I just added some grungy paint layers, stamping with some hand-carved stamps (discussed here and here).  Next came some lyrics she wanted in a white out pen and then some designs in Neocolor II water soluble wax pastels to finish it off.

All that’s left is to seal it and ship it off!

Are there any bands you are completely obsessed with right now?  Any kindred spirit friends that you create paintings for? I’m at this point where I have so many painting ideas for my close friends… I have a long list!